Bride of Second Chances Page 13

  If he didn’t, then she could pick one. Well, two. One for a boy and another for a girl. So in case she did get to decide, she might as well think of some names ahead of time. And who knew? He probably didn’t have a middle name in mind, so she could use her choice for that. By the time she finished washing the dishes and placing them on the rack to dry, she chose two possible names for each gender. Michael or Caleb for a boy and Vivian or Wilma for a girl.

  She drained the sink and wiped it clean. Just when she hung the wet cloth on the edge of the sink, she heard footsteps from the parlor and took a deep breath to settle her nerves. Wiping her hands on her skirt, she turned as Jeremy entered the kitchen. He’d put his clothes back on, but the top two buttons of his shirt weren’t done and he didn’t wear a tie. His hair was also messed up from where her fingers had run through it. All of it was evidence of what they’d just done, and it frightened her as much as it excited her.

  She forced a nervous smile. “Are you hungry? We haven’t eaten anything since we left for church.”

  His smile eased some of the butterflies in her stomach, but she wasn’t sure if she was ready to be close to him again so she took a step back as he approached and cleared her throat.

  “Would you rather go for a walk?” she asked, hoping her voice didn’t betray her uncertainty. Was he wishing she was Rebecca? Did he prefer to forget what happened and go back to the arrangement they had before? Did they continue with what they started? She tapped her foot on the floor and quickly stopped.

  “My arms feel empty without you,” he said when he stood in front of her.

  “Oh, I had to wash dishes. See?” She motioned to the dishes and almost knocked a plate over.

  He caught it before it fell off the rack. With a chuckle, he set it back in place. “Yes, I see.”

  Folding her hands in front of her, she stepped aside so she wouldn’t do anything else that might cause something to break. “I couldn’t sleep, so I came in here to work.”

  “You can make something simple for supper. I’ll even help if you want. It’s my fault you weren’t able to start sooner.”

  She laughed but it came out as awkward as she felt. “Don’t be silly. I can handle a meal for one man. I used to cook a meal for my brother and his family, and before that I helped my mother and—”

  “Jane?”

  Unable to maintain eye contact, she straightened the cloth in the sink and stopped the urge to tap her foot again. “What?”

  “You don’t need to be nervous.”

  She gave another shaky laugh and shook her head. “I’m not nervous. I’m just…” She waved her hand, motioning to nothing in particular. “I’m just…”

  “I know you didn’t expect things to happen the way they did,” he softly said.

  Her laughter died down and she turned her attention back to the cloth, not sure she wanted to hear him say it was a mistake because that was exactly what she was afraid he’d say. He took another step toward her and she forced aside the urge to hurry off to her room. As she became aware of his masculine scent, her foot picked up on its tapping on the hardwood floor, and no amount of willpower was halting the annoying sound that echoed through the room.

  “You’re absolutely charming,” he said with a grin.

  “What?” Her eyes met his and she forgot her apprehension.

  “I like being with you. Not because of everything you do around here to cook and clean, though I admit you do a much better job than I ever did. Had it not been for the generosity of some people, I’d hate to think of how dirty things would have gotten or how thin I would’ve been.”

  She chuckled at his joke.

  “You’ve made this house a home,” he continued. “Some might say I rescued you from Micah when we got married, but you rescued me from the prison I’d built for myself. After your sister died, a part of me went with her. I went about my life and did what I had to do, but there was an aching loneliness that haunted me.”

  Her foot stilled and her shoulders relaxed while she waited for him to continue.

  He shrugged and slipped one of his hands into his pocket. “You know I’ve always had the highest respect for you. I didn’t marry you just to stop your brother from marrying you off to someone you didn’t want to spend the rest of your life with. I wanted to be with you. You shared in my grief over losing Rebecca in a way no one else did. It seemed you were the only one who understood how much losing her hurt.”

  Her stomach twisted in knots but she nodded and turned her attention back to the lines on the cloth, absentmindedly tracing them with her fingers.

  “I think you always understood me better than anyone else, and that includes Rebecca,” he whispered.

  She dared another look in his direction, not sure where he was going with this or if she wanted to hear it.

  “I want to be your husband, and I want you to be my wife. I want to share my life with you, have children with you, grow old with you, see our grandchildren, and when our time comes, I pray we can die in each other’s arms so I don’t have to go through this life without you.”

  He took her hand and pulled her toward him. Afraid she misunderstood him, she held back for a moment. But only for a moment, for she got a good look at his eyes and was assured he meant what he said. He brought her hand up to his lips and kissed the palm. A tingle ran straight from her head to her toes which curled in excitement.

  Clearing her throat, she whispered, “I want that, too.”

  He kissed her palm again and then moved his lips softly down her wrist. Since she’d rolled up her sleeves to wash the dishes, he continued to give her butterfly kisses on her bare arm. She had no idea that area of her body was so sensitive. When he reached the inside of her elbow and brushed his tongue over it, she nearly melted against him. Who knew something so simple could be so sensual?

  When he turned his gaze to her, she cupped his face in her hands and kissed him. Being so bold wasn’t something she was used to, but she couldn’t help herself. He brought his arms around her and held her tightly to him. This time she was the one who brushed his lower lip with her tongue, and he opened his mouth to receive her.

  It was a heady experience—this initiating of physical intimacy, and it made her feel powerful and weak all at once. He picked her up, and unlike before, she knew what he had in mind. She clung to him and kissed his neck as he carried her to the bedroom.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Jane bounded up the steps of Edith’s home in Omaha and called for Jeremy to hurry up.

  He chuckled as he ascended the stairs, holding a carpet bag in each hand. “I don’t think you’re very excited to see your friend.”

  When she realized he was joking, she grinned and shifted the gifts to one arm so she could knock on the front door. “It seems like forever since I last saw her.”

  “I told you you’re charming, didn’t I?”

  “Yes, several times.” She blushed at his term of endearment for her. “This is going to be a wonderful Christmas.”

  “I can’t argue with that.”

  The front door opened and Edith shrieked when she saw them. Jane stepped through the front door and hugged her friend as much as she could considering she carried the two gifts wrapped in plain brown paper in one arm.

  Edith stepped back and motioned to the presents. “You didn’t have to get us anything.”

  “We give each other gifts every year. What makes you think I wouldn’t do it this time?” Jane teased.

  Jeremy set the bags down and took off his hat. “It’s nice to see you, Edith.”

  “Nice to see you, too,” Edith replied.

  Wilbur came out from the parlor and shook Jeremy’s hand. “Glad you could make it. How was the weather on the way in to Omaha?”

  “Good,” Jeremy said.

  “I suspected you might run into some snow with all those clouds out there.” Wilbur pointed out the door before Edith shut it.

  “It’s not snowing yet. Everything was clear on our way in.�
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  Edith walked over to Jane. “I’ll take those and put them under the tree.”

  Jane followed Edith into the parlor to see how her friend had decorated the tree. “You did a lovely job.” She touched the silver tinsel and smiled. “These are awful to keep untarnished. How do you do it?”

  “Notice I don’t put any candles on the tree?”

  “Of course. Leave it to me to dismiss the obvious.”

  Edith set the gifts with the ones already beneath it wrapped in tissue paper. “Do you have a tree?”

  “Not this year. Jeremy and I figured since we’re here, there was no point in going through a big fuss to pretty up a tree. I see you decided to use red and white ribbons this year.”

  “I thought the colors stand out better against the green branches. I even bought glass ornaments. Wilbur’s job has been a real godsend. I couldn’t afford anything this fancy back in Lincoln.”

  “Though I miss you terribly, I’m happy for you.” Jane’s gaze went to Edith’s stomach and she lowered her voice so the men wouldn’t overhear. “I see you’re starting to show.”

  Edith’s smile grew wider and she patted her growing belly. “It didn’t seem real until I felt the first kick.”

  “You did? What did it feel like?”

  She shrugged. “It’s hard to say. As strange as it sounds, I’d say it was like a bit of indigestion.”

  “Really?”

  “I heard as things progress, it feels more like a baby is rumbling around inside there.”

  “Susie once said she had to lie down because her baby was poking her in the ribs, but that was as she got further along. Sometimes I think she made up some of the discomfort to get out of helping around the house.” Jane often wondered how Susie managed without her there to do the brunt of the work but would quickly shove the thought aside. It wasn’t her concern anymore. She smiled at Edith and squeezed her hand. “Have you decided on a name?”

  “Not yet. Wilbur and I can’t agree on anything.”

  “Well, you still have plenty of time.”

  Edith glanced at the entryway so Jane looked, too. She saw that Jeremy was hanging up his coat and hat while Wilbur gabbed on about the snowfall they’d had in Omaha a week ago. Edith stepped closer to her and asked in a low voice, “Will you and Jeremy require different rooms?”

  Sure her face turned beet red, Jane shook her head.

  With a mischievous smile, Edith asked, “Do you have news to tell me regarding a little one on the way?”

  “Not at the moment, but I hope to soon.” Jane looked back at Jeremy and Wilbur who were still out of hearing distance, relieved when she saw they were. Turning her attention back to Edith, she bit her lip before she added, “He’s wonderful, Edith. Sometimes I pinch myself to make sure I’m not dreaming.”

  Squealing, Edith hugged her again. “I’m so happy for you, Jane.”

  Jane laughed. “Things worked out better than I hoped.”

  “If you ask me, it’s been a long time coming. Now, let’s get those bags up to your room and then get refreshments ready for the men. Oops. We need to take your coat and hat off first. You’ll have to forgive me for forgetting.”

  “Nonsense. There’s nothing to forgive. There’s a lot going on.”

  Jane slipped out of her coat and hat and followed Edith back to the entryway.

  ***

  That day after they retired for the night, Jane rested in Jeremy’s arms, her head on his chest and her arm draped over his waist. Her fingertips brushed the sheet as she tried to figure out how to broach a subject she wasn’t sure he’d appreciate discussing. They hadn’t talked about his real mother since that day of the potluck, and while a part of her thought perhaps it was good to let sleeping dogs lie, another part couldn’t help but think being in Omaha might be a good opportunity.

  “Is something on your mind?” he softly asked, rubbing her back in soothing motions.

  After a moment’s hesitation, she took a deep breath and said, “I was thinking of what you said, about your mother and being adopted.” His hand stilled on her back, and she waited for him to say something. When he didn’t, she pressed forward. “I thought since we’re here, maybe we should see if we can find her.”

  He sighed. “I don’t know. I haven’t thought about it enough to make a decision either way.”

  “No one in Lincoln has to know you looked for her.”

  “It’s doubtful she’s even alive.”

  “But she could be.”

  “I was adopted thirty years ago. If she is alive, I’m sure she doesn’t want to drag up the past.”

  She brought her hand up to his chest, and he surprised her by holding it. She worried that she was upsetting him by bringing up something so personal, but from the way he gently squeezed her hand, she knew she wasn’t, which gave her courage to continue. “If I gave birth to a child and had to give him to another couple, I’d never forget. I’d wonder about him, and I’d like to see how he turned out. I can’t imagine it would be an easy thing to let someone else raise your child.”

  “No, it probably isn’t. I understand she didn’t have a choice. It’s not like brothels are known for having nurseries.”

  “Do you know how she ended up in a brothel?”

  She heard him swallow before he whispered, “No. All I know is that her name was Eliza and she was thirteen or fourteen when I was born.”

  She lifted her head so she could look at him. “She was young.”

  He glanced at her before he returned his gaze to the ceiling. “Too young to have a child. Too young to be in that business. Not that a woman should be there to begin with.”

  “I wonder what happened to her.”

  “My parents never found out. For all I know, she’s still a prostitute, if she’s even alive. I doubt prostitutes live that long.”

  Letting go of his hand, she caressed his cheek. When he looked at her, she softly spoke. “Maybe not, but don’t you think it’s worth it to find out?”

  “I don’t know. What if she doesn’t care? What if I’m one of many children she had other people adopt? What if she had enough children that she won’t even remember having me?”

  “I’m a woman, Jeremy. I may not know the details of her life, but a baby isn’t something a woman forgets. For all of Susie’s faults, she does love her children.”

  “I’ll think about it.”

  Realizing that was as much as he could offer at the moment, she nodded and kissed him. She settled back into his arms and closed her eyes. He wrapped his arms around her and held her closer to him. They didn’t speak for the rest of the night, and at some point, she drifted off to sleep.

  ***

  Jeremy sat on the porch after breakfast the next day. Despite the bitter chill in the air, he didn’t button his coat or put on his gloves. He just sat and rubbed his fingers along the wooden arms of the chair. His eyes traveled the houses lining the street, and further down, he saw the businesses.

  Was it possible his mother was somewhere down there? And if she was, was it wise for him—a preacher—to enter an establishment that catered to the very thing his profession opposed? But did anyone besides Jane, Edith and Wilbur know he was a preacher? The chances that word would reach Lincoln about him being inside such an establishment were slim. And if he took Jane, it wouldn’t look like he’d been cheating on his wife.

  The front door opened, so he glanced over his shoulder and smiled as Jane walked over to him. Kneeling beside his chair, she placed a hand on his arm and asked, “Have you thought about seeing your mother?”

  With another glance at the buildings that marked the downtown district of Omaha, he nodded. “It was my father’s dying wish. I feel like I owe it to him.”

  She squeezed his arm and stood up. “I’ll get my coat and go with you.”

  “Thank you.”

  He couldn’t go alone. Maybe it made him weak, but he needed Jane with him. He eased out of the chair and buttoned his coat, realizing that his heart
was pounding from his decision. He had no idea what to expect. His mother might be dead, and then worrying about it would be for nothing. But if she was alive… Taking a deep breath, he looked at the door where Jane was talking to Edith. Jane would be with him. Should his mother be alive, Jane might know the right words to say to ease the tension that would undoubtedly be in the room. He wondered when he developed such a dependence on Jane. She’d always had a gracious way with words, knowing the right ones to say to soothe a troubled soul. He didn’t know what he’d do without her, and he prayed he’d never find out. Losing Rebecca had been hard enough.

  Glancing up at the blue sky, he wondered if he’d somehow betrayed Rebecca by becoming so attached to her sister. The thought made him uneasy, and he’d purposely found reasons to avoid going to the cemetery. Would she fault him for not keeping his promise to never love another woman? On a cognitive level, the notion she’d be unhappy to know he moved on was ridiculous because she wasn’t the type who would want someone to spend the rest of their life miserable. But he worried about it all the same, so he kept his thoughts occupied enough, leaving no time to think of the past. He looked back at Jane, thankful when he saw her step onto the porch and shut the door behind her. Good. When she was around, it was easy to push the troubling thoughts behind him.

  Jane turned to him and smiled. “I think this will be a good thing, Jeremy.”

  He took her by the arm, comforted by the physical contact, and helped her down the slippery steps. “I suppose we should start by checking the brothels. My father didn’t tell me which one she was at.”

  “Perhaps we might quietly explain the situation to someone who lives here and find out where such establishments are so we don’t miss any.”

  “Yes, that might be best.”